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The Lon FAQ (Foolishly Asked Questions)

Pencil sketch of chubby guy in small glasses.

Who is this Lon guy, anyway?

I'm a fully wired techno-geek who can still effectively communicate with non-technical people.
I'm very interested in music, game design, computers, and Frisbees. I've written music for computer programs, computer programs for music, music for games, music about Frisbees, and games on computers, but I still haven't figured out the great musical Frisbee computer game.


Q:
Is it true that Lon was raised by wolves?
A:
Lon was actually raised by poodles.
Seriously. His parents ran a kennel.

Q:
Is Lon really allergic to neckties?
A:
Lon insists that he has a medical condition which prevents him from wearing a tie. Although most people have never seen Lon wearing a necktie, there is photographic evidence which seems to indicate that he CAN wear a tie without asphyxiating.

Q:
Is the webcam live?
A:
Not since... oh let's say 1996.
In the mid-nineties, the webcam was not only live, but there was a speech system hooked up which allowed people to talk back.
For a number of years, it was a periodic QuickTime capture.
Recently, it is a periodic QuickTime capture which is then converted to Flash by Sorenson Squeeze, then uploaded via a command-line script.
Currently, live video experiments have moved to twitch.tv.

Q:
Just how many black T-shirts does Lon actually have?
A:
The number varies. Black fades and noodles slop, so some shirts have to retire. However the number usually hovers around 12.
Now, how many CLEAN shirts is another matter...

Q:
Why no paper?
A:
Although many believe that Lon conducts all business electronically because of an irrational fear of paper-cuts, he has been known to read articles printed on paper.

Q:
I heard that Lon kept a colony of Sea Monkeys alive for 8 years. Is this true?
A:
Actually, it was eight months. (Which is still a long time for brine shrimp.)

Q:
Does Lon really live in a cave by a lake?
A:
No. For many years, Lon lived in a tower overlooking the dome of the first Basilica in America, where they throw a wild party every year.

Q:
What the heck is "schnoggo?"
A:
"Schnoggo" is a nickname bestowed upon Lon by some of the Art staff while he was at MECC. The original spoken (almost sung) version was "lonen schnoggen schnitzle schneezer." This has been shortened to "Schnoggo" for regular use. They insist it is a term of endearment.

Q:
How long has the Lonster's Lair been running?
A:
The Lonster's Lair has existed, in different forms, since about 1991. In its early stages it was an AppleShare shared volume. It has been a web site since March of 1995.
At the end of 2009, Lon's main web presence changed to the data stream you see here.

Q:
What on earth could Lon have in common with Helen Hunt?
A:
They were born on the same day. Other privileged Gemini's who share this birth date include Courteney Cox (a year younger), Bif Naked, Ice Cube, James Belushi, Neil Patrick Harris, Malcolm McDowell, Leah Remini, Jim Varney, Waylon Jennings, and Xaviera Hollander.

Q:
What is Lon's super power?
A:
Can turn $5 at the Farmers Market into a gourmet meal.

Q:
What is Lon's favorite line from a movie?
A:
"Oh, we got both kinds. We got country AND western."

Q:
What is Lon's favorite line from a book?
A:
"The ships hung in the sky in much the same way that bricks don't."

Q:
What is Lon's favorite line from a computer game?
A:
"It's not important. Leave it alone."

Q:
What is Lon's favorite line from a song?
A:
"Some people wear their heart upon their sleeve. I wear mine under my right pant-leg; strapped to my boot."

Q:
What are Lon's favorite headphones?
A:

Q:
What's that dorky hat?
A:
A "Solar Safari Cool Hat." I got it on Amazon. Solar panel doesn't provide enough power, but it actually does help keep me cool using the battery..

Q:
Does Lon have any heroes?
A:
While Lon avoids hero-worship, he believes we should honor the amazing world-changing work of Martin Gardner, Steve Wozniak, Nikola Tesla, and Stanislaw Lem.

Q:
What powers this web site?
A:
The LONK.ME site is mostly hand-rolled PHP.
3rd-party back-end tools inlcude: SimplePie for scraping the feeds, mySQL to store said feeds, PHPMailer to forward your missives, and dompdf to render printables.
On the front-end: jQuery for the special effects and superslight to make PNGs presentable to the Internet Explorer world.
A variation of my iTunes2Skype AppleScript updates the real-time iTunes tracklist.